For some strange reason, I’ve been waking up around 5am every morning this week with ideas for new blog posts.
To put this in perspective, I’m definitely in a ‘long term relationship’ with my bed. We’ve got a thing going on. Definitely. I recently discovered my 5 year old son can make his own breakfast and boy oh boy has this worked to my advantage! I don’t set an alarm because I’m cranky if woken out of sleep. Instead, I let myself wake up naturally, which prior to this week, has always been just before or bang on 8am followed promptly by me prodding my son to get up, brush his teeth and make his breakfast. Smooth. This little discovery has earnt me an additional 10 minutes in bed every morning! Not to be knocked!
So back to this early morning thing. I feel as if I’ve given myself a reason to wake up early in the morning and honestly, I think I like it. In a post further down about my imminent university start, I mentioned that I need to plan and get organised and you know what, my body agrees! I’ll be working full time and going to uni full time in the evening and was getting some advice from a solicitor friend of mine. She told me that by the time I get home from uni after also having a long day at work, my brain will probably need a break and I might find it more beneficial to go home, chill and get up early in the mornings to study with a fresh head. Whilst I absolutely loved the idea in theory, I just couldn’t see myself ‘breaking up’ with my bed. We’ve been through so much! But in all seriousness, this blog has given me a reason to wake up early. It’s kickstarted a new routine for me and I intend to fully embrace it!
So whatever goals you’ve set yourself, think about what needs to change or improve in your life to make it happen and then more importantly, effect that change! We have all been given a purpose and a design for our life but it’s up to us individually how far we go towards reaching our true potential. Whether it’s changing your morning routine like me, removing certain people from your life or even healing broken relationships, start doing what you need to do to make your ambitions a reality.
Next on my list: eat breakfast before leaving the house. Pray for me looool. I’m on a journey
I recently saw a post from a fellow sister talking about her experiences of interracial dating and her fear of being more of a fetish to white men that saw her as an opportunity to almost tick a box. This I definitely understand! Of the white men I’ve encountered that have been interested in me, they often commented on the shape of my rear or how “womanly” I was and I too have been unfortunate enough to be described as “exotic”! Heaven help me! Some might say I’m “nit picking” but why is this ok? I wonder if it would be equally acceptable if it were the other way round?
For me though, interracial dating goes deeper than just skin colour. After being in a relationship for 5 years with my sons dad who’s Nigerian, I realised that it’s a cultural thing aswell. Coming from a Jamaican background, I quickly learnt that whilst there were times our different cultures complimented each other and even mirrored, there were also far too many that conflicted. The whole experience has put me off interracial dating for a long time to be honest but I really do believe that when you meet that person that God has ordained you to be with, regardless of race, colour or culture, it will work. In the interview I listened to, she talked about the importance of finding common ground and that might not necessarily be hobbies or interests but simply morals and values. I’m learning to look past race and see people for who they are individually but I also think it’s naive to think a persons race or cultural background is irrelevant because as I found out, it will become very relevant at some point.
Communication from the very beginning is crucial. It’s all very well having the “Think Like A Man” style questions at the ready but it doesn’t stop there! I don’t believe in casual dating so when I go into a relationship, it’s because I genuinely see something in that person that makes me think, “yes, I could see myself marrying him”. I don’t know about you, but for me, marriage is the goal! Get married and STAY HAPPILY married! I want to see his parents marriage
– are they happy?
– is it a partnership or hierarchy?
– how were you raised?
Let’s be real. There are some amazing men that come out of single parent or dysfunctional homes, but if you get an idea of the environment they’re coming from, it might help you to understand areas that need discussing and clarifying as a couple. If daddy was “the boss” and mummy had to literally ask permission to leave the house, I’d want to know what he understands a relationship to be and what form he sees his marital home to take. Better to find out sooner than later if your boo wants to rule his home like a dictatorship.
I think it’s important whoever you set up home with to stick to 2 rules: Pray and communicate