I recently saw a post from a fellow sister talking about her experiences of interracial dating and her fear of being more of a fetish to white men that saw her as an opportunity to almost tick a box. This I definitely understand! Of the white men I’ve encountered that have been interested in me, they often commented on the shape of my rear or how “womanly” I was and I too have been unfortunate enough to be described as “exotic”! Heaven help me! Some might say I’m “nit picking” but why is this ok? I wonder if it would be equally acceptable if it were the other way round?
For me though, interracial dating goes deeper than just skin colour. After being in a relationship for 5 years with my sons dad who’s Nigerian, I realised that it’s a cultural thing aswell. Coming from a Jamaican background, I quickly learnt that whilst there were times our different cultures complimented each other and even mirrored, there were also far too many that conflicted. The whole experience has put me off interracial dating for a long time to be honest but I really do believe that when you meet that person that God has ordained you to be with, regardless of race, colour or culture, it will work. In the interview I listened to, she talked about the importance of finding common ground and that might not necessarily be hobbies or interests but simply morals and values. I’m learning to look past race and see people for who they are individually but I also think it’s naive to think a persons race or cultural background is irrelevant because as I found out, it will become very relevant at some point.
Communication from the very beginning is crucial. It’s all very well having the “Think Like A Man” style questions at the ready but it doesn’t stop there! I don’t believe in casual dating so when I go into a relationship, it’s because I genuinely see something in that person that makes me think, “yes, I could see myself marrying him”. I don’t know about you, but for me, marriage is the goal! Get married and STAY HAPPILY married! I want to see his parents marriage
– are they happy?
– is it a partnership or hierarchy?
– how were you raised?
Let’s be real. There are some amazing men that come out of single parent or dysfunctional homes, but if you get an idea of the environment they’re coming from, it might help you to understand areas that need discussing and clarifying as a couple. If daddy was “the boss” and mummy had to literally ask permission to leave the house, I’d want to know what he understands a relationship to be and what form he sees his marital home to take. Better to find out sooner than later if your boo wants to rule his home like a dictatorship.
I think it’s important whoever you set up home with to stick to 2 rules: Pray and communicate